Grief & Loss
Grief is the response to losing someone or something that was important to you. It can include a variety of emotions, including extreme sadness, shock and disbelief, regret, and anger. These emotions can vary in strength and can be confusing. Along with this it can also cause physical, behavioural, cognitive, spiritual, and social problems.
Many life changes can lead to grief. It may be experienced due to different kinds of losses, physical or abstract. Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of anything you had an attachment to. Apart from the death of a loved one, some other losses or changes that can cause grief are:
Death of a pet
A miscarriage
Divorce or a breakup
Loss of employment or financial stability
Loss of a friendship
Serious health issues (personal or of a loved one)
Retirement
Graduating
Moving away from home or family
Changing jobs, home, or country
Our mental health professionals are here to help you, whether you need to heal or want to thrive.
Get in touch to find out how we can help you. Contact us however you feel most comfortable, for example Whatsapp message us, or feel free to call us on +971 56 895 2347. You can also email or simply send us a query via our online form. Instagram message, Facebook chat… whatever works best for you!
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The Process of Grief
Grief is a personal process that can affect people differently. While some people might soothe themselves by thinking of the positive (eg. “They lived a good life”), others might think more negatively and blame themselves. Some people may also prefer being alone and dealing with the grief internally, while others find comfort in being around company and expressing their emotions outwardly. These various thoughts and behaviours can be categorized into intuitive grieving, which is based on emotions and involves exploring and sharing feelings, and instrumental grieving which is more focused on problem-solving and involves controlling emotional expression.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to grieve, the process depends on whatever feels right to you when coping with loss. While crying is a natural, healthy, and normal part of grieving, not everyone does so and some might cry far more than others. It is important to not compare the way you are grieving and your progress to other peoples.
There is also no specific timetable for going through the painful feelings of grief. It is not possible to avoid these feelings and trying to suppress them will likely cause emotional trouble in the future and a prolonged grieving process. Healing happens gradually and cannot be forced or hurried. Some people may experience short-term acute grief, however the painful emotions may return later, for example due to reminders of the loss. Others may experience more long-term grief which is also known as complicated grief. Over time this can cause several issues if left untreated.
The emotional pain caused by the loss can often feel overwhelming. It can also at times affect your physical health as grief can lead to difficulties in sleeping and eating. These reactions are a normal part of grieving. The more significant your attachment to the person or thing lost was, the more intense your grieving will be. The best way to heal is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes and deal with the emotions. Trying to resist or suppress it will just extend the healing process.
As time passes, the sadness will ease and you may start to feel genuine happiness and joy in aspects of life. These positive emotions, contentment, and laughter can be present during the grieving process and they do not take away from feeling upset about loss. Experiencing occasional happiness and enjoyment does not mean that you are no longer mourning.
Symptoms of grief
There are several emotional symptoms linked to grief. The most common and universal one is sadness. It involves feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and hopelessness.
A sudden loss can be hard to accept and can cause shock and disbelief. It may cause emotional numbness and denial. It may also cause anger and resentment towards the lost loved one, yourself, doctors, or God as you feel the need to blame someone for the grief. Another symptom is guilt as you regret not saying or doing certain things when you had the chance. Fear, worry, and anxiety are also symptoms that may be triggered by a difficult loss. More serious conditions such as depression and panic attacks may be caused due to grief as well.
Some physical symptoms of grief include nausea, insomnia, loss of appetite, fatigue and head and body aches. These problems can eventually lead to lowered immunity and weight problems.
There can also be spiritual symptoms such as experiencing bad dreams, questioning life, and questioning certain religious or spiritual beliefs.
Types of Grief
There are different types of grief that individuals may experience
Anticipatory Grief is a sense of loss before the actual loss has occurred. This may be due to an individual or their loved one being diagnosed with terminal or chronic illness.
Normal Grief is what is experienced after the loss or death of a loved one. This usually decreases in intensity over time.
Complicated Grief is prolonged grief that causes several additional problems such as addiction, suicidal thoughts, other mental health problems and concerning behaviour. This can also be linked to trauma. Therapy is needed to help an individual recover from this type of grief.
Disenfranchised Grief is grief that is private and not expressed to others. This is a result of situations where you cannot outwardly show or talk about your grief (e.g. a teenager aborting a child that her parents don’t know about, or the death of an extramarital lover). Here it is difficult to process the grief properly and not possible to receive the required social support.
How to deal with the grieving process
Although grief is a difficult and inevitable process, it is important to understand it to be able to cope and come to terms with it. Only after accepting the loss and associated grief can you begin to heal and move on. Some things that can help are:
Acknowledge the associated pain.
Accept that it is normal to experience a range of unexpected emotions.
Don’t compare your grieving process and progress to others’. Give yourself time.
Seek out social support from friends, family, or others with similar experience. Do not isolate yourself.
Care for yourself emotionally and physically (e.g. Exercise, eat well, and sleep enough).
Return to your hobbies and to activities that bring you joy
Build a routine
Seek professional help if needed
It is important to be careful and not numb your pain with alcohol, drugs, or overeating. These can be short-term escapes and help you avoid your feelings, however they will not help you heal and will cause problems in the long run. They can also lead to addiction, depression and anxiety, eating disorders, and even more emotional trouble.
Models of Grief
The Five Stages of Grief Theory
Also known as the Kübler-Ross model, this theory describes five distinct stages that individuals go through when grieving. These stages guide you through the grieving process and help you understand the situation and how to accept the loss. People spend varying lengths of time working through each stage before they can move to the next. These stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order and can be experienced in different levels of intensity. You may go back and forth between certain stages or skip some completely.
The stages are:
Denial: This usually occurs when you first learn of the loss. You may feel numb and fail to accept the truth, while thinking “This isn’t true” or “This can’t be happening”. These are normal reactions as grey act as defense mechanisms to cushion the immediate shock and deal with sudden overwhelming emotions.
Anger: You may start to get frustrated as the reality of the loss and its pain sets in. The intense emotions may be expressed as anger towards life and others. The anger may also be directed towards the lost loved one. Although it is not their fault, you may feel frustrated as they have left and caused you pain. You may try to find someone or something to blame. Thoughts such as “Why did this have to happen?” and “Who’s fault is this” are normal.
Bargaining: In this stage you start to think of things you could have done to prevent the loss. Due to feeling helpless and vulnerable, you try to regain control in your mind by thinking of “if only” or “what if” statements like “if only we got medical help earlier” or “what if I paid more attention”. In cases of illness you may also find yourself trying to make a deal with God or a higher power to stall the inevitable. This stage often involves guilt as you try to believe that you could have done something to change the outcome.
Depression: As you start to understand the finality of the loss/change and experience its impact on life, deep feelings of sadness start to kick in. Signs of depression such as loss of interest, change in sleep and loss of appetite are normal when grieving. On top of feeling sad and regretful, grief can also cause you to feel lonely and overwhelmed, all of which can eventually feel like depression.
Acceptance: In this end-goal stage you are finally able to accept the actuality and finality of the loss or change. This does not mean you are happy, but that you can finally accept the situation as it is, find some peace, and start moving forward with life. In this stage the concepts of life and death are understood more clearly and meaningfully. Individuals tend to withdraw from others or become calm.
However, this model does not have much data to support it and it has shown that most people do not progress through these stages. Although people experience the feelings each stage is based on and eventually accept the loss, the grieving process is more unpredictable and individualized than this theory assumes.
Dual Process Model
This model suggests that there are two processes associated with grief— loss-oriented activities and restoration-oriented activities. People move back and forth between these activities. The theory considers that while coping with the painful emotions of grief, people must complete stressful and important activities as life goes on. Accepting these situations and completing these activities, while still processing the grief, can be beneficial for your recovery.
Loss-oriented
These are stressors that make you think about your loved one and their death. They are thoughts and feelings that cause you to focus on your pain and grief so you can process and accept the loss. This causes you to experience powerful emotions such as anger, denial, emptiness and sadness.
Loss oriented actions can include:
Thinking about your loved one
Crying
Yearning
Looking at old pictures
Reminiscing fond memories
Dwelling on the circumstances of the loss/death
Restoration-oriented
These are activities that help you move on with daily life and momentarily distract you from the grief. They allow you to take small breaks from focusing on the pain caused by the loss, and make you instead focus on the task at hand.
Restoration-oriented actions can include:
Working
Cooking, cleaning or doing household tasks
Watching a funny movie or TV show
Going out with family and friends
Exercising
Adjusting to a new routine
Learning to do tasks that the loved one usually did (eg managing finances)
Although at times repressing the painful emotions may be unhealthy, for some people it can be seen as a helpful way to cope with grief. It helps your mind slightly ease the pain by making it focus on other things for a short while. The theory argues that without restoration-oriented activities you may be unable to continue daily life and care for yourself. They help you restore order and regularity into your lifestyle and routine after the loss.
A key part of the Dual Process Model is oscillation which means that you go back and forth between loss- and restoration-oriented coping. Healthy grieving involves oscillating between confronting and avoiding the loss and it’s associated pain. This model believes that grief can be experienced in doses where at times you may complete practical needs to continue with life and at times you will need to take a break and just mourn.
Complicated Grief
The grief from losing someone significant to you does not go away completely, however, over time the intensity should decrease and you should be able to resume your normal life. If this is not the case and you are experiencing a persistent, severe, and long term grieving process, you are suffering from ‘complicated grief’. This is a lengthy and intense state of mourning where the symptoms do not seem to improve over time. This can then have serious impacts on your mental and physical health. It often takes over one’s life and interferes with normal daily functioning. Around 15% of individuals that lose a loved one experience this.
Symptoms of complicated grief include:
Intense and prolonged sadness, anger, bitterness, and emotional pain
Feelings of emptiness, numbness, and despair
Blaming yourself
Not being able to accept and believe the loss/death
Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death
Convincing yourself that the deceased loved one is still alive and searching for them
Withdrawal, isolation, and detachment from friends and family
Longing and yearning to be with the deceased loved one, including hoping to die to be reunited
Lack of desire pursuing interests and planning for the future
Loss of identity and purpose in/meaning of life
Avoiding reminders of the lost loved one
Intrusive thoughts and images of the loved one
You may need professional help when dealing with complicated grief.
Grief vs. Depression
There are many similarities in the symptoms of grief and depression, such as sadness, social withdrawal, insomnia and loss of interest in things. Often you may feel as if you have depression when grieving but there are ways to tell the difference, for example:
Grief typically follows loss, whereas depression can develop at any time
Grief can involve a wide range of emotions and can include moments of happiness and please and good days. Depression however consists of complete lack of joy and constant feelings of sadness and despair
Symptoms of grief tend to lessen or improve over time, while depression does not get better with time and usually needs treatment to be resolved.
Grief causes sadness and loneliness related to loss whereas depression is more about intense worthlessness and despair
The grieving process can worsen depression and can trigger depressive episodes. Depression can also aggravate and prolong the grief. If you suffer from depression it can be helpful to see a therapist when grieving as they can help you through the mourning process and help you manage depressive symptoms.
Helping children grieve
Children may not understand death initially, however by explaining the process to them in simple and direct terms they can start to accept it. Children tend to look to their parents on how to grieve. If the adults around them hide their emotions, a child is likely to do the same, whereas if the adults express their emotions, children can accept and express their feelings as well. Although grief is an innate and natural process, it is also learned. Parents can teach children how to cope with their feelings in a progressive way. Although it may be difficult for them to verbalize their emotions, the innate sadness and anger may overwhelm them and affect their actions. Children can find it easier to express their sadness by talking about external characters. Psychologists can also help children grieve in a healthy way.
When and why to seek professional help
In cases where grief does not get better with time (complicated grief), when it gets in the way of normal life functioning, and when it leads to depression and suicidal thoughts, it is important to see a psychologist.
At times family and friend support may not be enough to deal with the grief and you may need to manage the symptoms more appropriately with professional help. A professional can help you explore, process, and manage your emotions better and teach you personal and social skills to better cope with your grief. Especially in cases where the grief has resulted in depression or other mental health conditions, a therapist will help analyze what treatment steps should be taken to aid your specific needs. A psychologist can also help you adjust to life without the loved one. You should seek professional help before it leads to significant emotional or physical damage.
Therapy can also feel cathartic and help you connect to the loved one by talking about them and the memories you shared. This can help you reaffirm your bond, find happiness in the moments shared, and process the loss better. You can also express yourself freely and judgment-free, and express any anger, guilt, or regret you have. The therapist will help you work through these emotions.
Grief counseling can help you cope with the physical, emotional, spiritual, social, and cognitive reactions to loss. As everyone expresses grief in unique ways based on your culture, personality, background, and life experiences, your therapist will work with you to create a personal treatment plan.
You should contact a therapist if you:
Have been feeling intense and constant grief for over a year
Feel like your life isn’t worth living anymore and are having suicidal thoughts
Wish you had died with the love one
Blame yourself for failing to prevent the loss
Develop symptoms of depression or other mental health conditions
Start to isolate and withdraw from others
Cannot perform your daily activities anymore
The types of therapy available for grief include:
Individual Psychotherapy – This helps you identify self-destructive behavior and patterns that may occur after a loss. With a psychologist you can work through your negative and intense emotions and develop healthy coping skills. The psychologist will determine which form of therapy and treatment is best for you based on your specific needs and history.
Family Therapy – Grief and loss may impact an entire family. Family therapy can encourage communication skills to help the whole unit work through the grief. Your therapist can help the family develop tools to support each other during the difficult time.
Substance abuse related therapy — Substance abuse can be worsened due to grief as you may turn to drugs and alcohol to help numb the pain. Therapy can help you address these issues and healthily focus on your mental health.
FAQs
What affects your grieving process?
Your beliefs, personality, life experiences, coping style, and support system, as well as the type and significance of the loss experienced, all play a role in the length and intensity of the grieving process.
What's the best coping mechanism?
Everyone experiences loss in their own personal way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The best way to process your emotions and grief is to allow your feelings to occur and work through them over time. Suppressing them or forcing a specific way of grief can cause the painful emotions to later affect you.
How long should the grieving process take?
Everyone grieves in their own personal way, and it may take longer for some people to process the loss. Generally, the intensity of the pain should decrease over time. Although anniversaries and birthdays can trigger painful memories and emotions, the overall severity of grief should get better as time goes on. If you are still experiencing extreme and persistent grief for over a year, it may be time to seek help.
Should children be informed about loss?
It is important that children are told about death in a clear and direct manner so they can process the correct emotions and understand the loss. This can prepare them for future losses and grief and help them cope in an appropriate way.
Thrive Specialists in Grief & Loss
Sonia Singhal, M.Ed., M.A., LMFT
Licensed Psychologist & Lead Assessment Specialist
Sonia Singhal is a CDA-Licensed Psychologist and a California Licensed Marriage & Family Counselor. She has a Masters of Education in Psychology from Columbia University in New York. Sonia specializes in psychological and educational assessments and she provides individual, family and couples therapy. She holds a special interest in attachment theory and family systems and is passionate about supporting teenagers and adults to overcome emotional and psychological difficulties.
Dr. Kate Prozeller
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Kate Prozeller is a CDA-licensed psychologist. She holds her PsyD in Counseling Psychology from Saint Mary’s University in the United States. Dr. Kate provides individual therapy to adults, couples therapy, and English-language art, sand, and play therapy to children and adolescents. Prior to relocating to Dubai in 2019, she has worked as a psychologist in the United States, serving a variety of patient populations and across hospitals, private practice, and university settings.
Pashmi Khare, M.Sc.
Licensed Psychologist
Pashmi Khare is a CDA-licensed psychologist with MSc in Counseling Psychology from Christ University, India and has been practicing for more than 8 years in India and UAE. She provides counseling for adults, adolescents, and couples in English, Hindi, and Urdu. She has a special interest in supporting individuals with fertility issues and PCOS.
Dr. Vassiliki Simoglou
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Vassiliki Simoglou is a CDA-licensed psychologist. She completed all her studies in Psychology in France, and is a licensed psychologist in Greece and the European territory, and in Dubai by the CDA. Dr. Vassiliki holds a PhD in Psychoanalysis and Psychopathology from Sorbonne Paris Cité - Paris Diderot University in Paris, and a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from the University Louis Pasteur of Strasbourg. She also holds a Master’s degree in Psychoanalytic Studies from the University of Essex in the UK. She has been working as a psychodynamically oriented psychotherapist for more than 14 years, in Dubai, Paris and Athens. She offers individual counseling and psychotherapy for adults and adolescents (15+), couples therapy, family therapy, and perinatal and infertility counseling - in French, English and Greek.
Maša Karleuša Valkanou, M.Sc.
Licensed Psychologist
Maša Karleuša Valkanou is a CDA-licensed psychologist in Dubai. As a certified Systemic Family psychotherapist, she works with individual clients, adults or children. She is specialised in work with adolescents. She works with couples, parents or the whole family together. Her work covers various psychological difficulties and background including psychotic disorders, addictions, neurotic disorders (depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc.), psychological trauma, abuse, self-harm, suicidal thoughts and feelings, behavioural, emotional and problems in relationships or family problems.
Dr. Elif Celebi
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Elif Celebi is a DHA-licensed and US-trained Clinical Psychologist with 12 years of post-qualification experience. She has a particular interest in using mindfulness, emotion regulation and other evidence-based approaches to balance compassion, acceptance and change. Dr. Elif clinical expertise includes working with depression, anxiety, trauma, adjustment/life transitions, grief and loss, borderline personality disorder, and dissociation.
Jessica Rosslee, M.A.
Licensed Psychologist
Jessica Rosslee is a DHA-licensed Clinical Psychologist. She obtained her Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology at the University of the Free State, South Africa, in 2011. Jessica’s clinical interests and extensive expertise cover a broad range of mental health conditions or problematic concerns.
Dr. Diana Cheaib Houry
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Diana is a CDA-licensed psychologist with a Ph.D. in Psychopathology and Psychoanalysis from the University of Denis-Diderot in France. She has a special interest in women’s health and has dedicated over 10 years to researching and studying women’s discomfort and mental issues and how they relate to culture and identity conflicts. Dr. Diana has a psychodynamic therapeutic orientation, which allows a deep understanding of the difficulties a person can go through.
Cynthia Ghosn
Psychology Technician & Early Career Professional
Cynthia is a DHA-licensed Psychology Technician. She is in the process of completing her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology at Meridien University in the USA. She works with adolescents and adults who are experiencing anxiety, depression, burnout/stress, life transitions, and relationship issues. Cynthia is part of our Early Career Professional (ECP) program, which means that she works closely under the supervision of Clinical Advising Director, Dr. Chasity O’Connell. In an effort to make therapy more accessible and support the growth and development of clinicians in the field, we are offering an adjusted pricing structure through our ECP program.
Joslin Gracias, M.A.
Licensed Psychologist
Joslin is a CDA-licensed psychologist. She holds an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from S.N.D.T. University in India. Joslin works with adolescents, adults, and couples who are experiencing depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, trauma, and burnout/stress.
Sam Menon
Licensed Psychologist & Early Career Professional
Sam is a DHA-licensed Psychologist. She holds an M.Sc. in Abnormal and Clinical Psychology from Swansea University in the UK. She works with adolescents and adults who are experiencing depression, burnout/stress, and difficulties adjusting to new phases of life (university and workplace). Sam is part of our Early Career Professional (ECP) program, which means that she works closely under the supervision of Clinical Advising Director, Dr. Chasity O’Connell. In an effort to make therapy more accessible and support the growth and development of clinicians in the field, we are offering an adjusted pricing structure through our ECP program.
Zuha Zubair, M.Sc.
Licensed Psychologist
Zuha is a CDA-licensed psychologist. She holds an M.Sc. in Clinical and Abnormal Psychology from Swansea University (UK). She used a client-centered approach deeply rooted in compassion and warmth, tailoring therapeutic aid to each client based on their needs and personality. She has been trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Corina Saramet, M.A.
Licensed Psychologist
Corina is a CDA-licensed psychologist specializing in working with adults and adolescents (16+). She obtained her Master’s Degree in Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy at the University Titu Maiorescu in Romania. Her areas of expertise include anxiety disorders, depression, grief and loss, trauma, and stress.
Our mental health professionals are here to help you, whether you need to heal or want to thrive.
Get in touch to find out how we can help you. Contact us however you feel most comfortable, for example Whatsapp message us, or feel free to call us on +971 56 895 2347. You can also email or simply send us a query via our online form. Instagram message, Facebook chat… whatever works best for you!
Our goal is to make you comfortable.
